WTF, some Japan quirks!

I think that every blog needs either a page devoted to the 'WTF' issues one experiences in Japan, or at least a short post like this one. Yes, short I say. It'll prepare you for arriving, or make you feel assured that you're not the only one.

Now I think late summer and early autumn are a good time to kick off in Japan. I did. Kyushu in general, and Kunisaki in particular, gets awfully hot in summer and pretty chilly in winter. I've been here 3 months. So once the honeymoon is over, and winter is in full swing, one starts to ponder. So, I've started to ponder those odd things that are peculiarly Japanese. Everyone who knows me, I really love Japan, this is just some venting of the spleen :-).

Now I will be clear on this, your mileage may vary, after all I live in countryside Kunisaki, within Oita prefecture, so perceptions will differ by location. Why? Because Japan, like the UK, has many unique areas. This is not Australia, there are conurbations, even layers, of culture here!

Anyway, we are reasonably south and in the big island of Kyushu. And no don't think Okinawa, that's way south, maybe another 1000km's. Just think the opposite end of the spectrum from snowy Hokaido. Here everything is designed for the heat, not the cold. Even if it snows in winter nonetheless. Hmmm, I feel a list of WTF's coming on.

• Japan is an advanced nation. OK I live in the countryside. BUT. There are so few houses with central heating! Every shop sells a heated mat, toilet seat, 炬燵 (kotatsu) for sitting under as you eat, body cocoon while you sit watching TV, heated pads to stick to your body. WTF, heat the god damned house - fix the actual problem, stop using sticky tape solutions. Arghhhh!
• OK I am originally a European. British / Maltese to be exact. So I am used to fairly fast roads. This is not a debate about the environmental issues of driving and consuming fossil fuels. This is a rant. 40km/hr is not a speed limit for open roads. Nobody pays any attention to these signs and drives at 70. My grandmother moves faster than 40. And she's been dead for decades. Authorities, WTF. 
• It's a cultural norm. I get it. Japan is different. This is Asia even if the Japanese will baulk at that comment. But my desk is 12inches tall! The dining table ditto. Am I supposed to put my legs under these tables? That's a space for my feet! My office foot rest back home was almost this tall! Anyway, expect serious improvements in flexibility after living here a while. Or back pain. Maybe both. How does one's knowledge of good workplace ergonomics gel with a desk that leaves me positioned like a senior citizen suffering terminal constipation? Again, WTF!   
• What's with all these house rules. I'm not young. I'm forgetful. Maybe distracted is a better term. But my shoes have to be left a certain way - "just here, no not like that!" . My hats need to be left in a certain place, not where I might find them when I need to use them, like at the door. I can only walk in certain places with my slippers. Plus I have to change slippers depending on the flooring, the decor, possibly my state of incontinence, I'm not sure. WTF. I need my stuff in sensible places as I will forget unless they're where they're needed. To get out of the house now takes me half an hour, seeking out all the damn jackets, hats, shoes for myself and my young kids. Did I say it? WTF.
• Japan has an aging population. But in the countryside it is more than apparent. About a funeral a week in our area. I've been to 2 funerals in 2 months. Actually 2 people just died in that last couple of days. At this rate, I will eventually learn enough Japanese to communicate, and they'll all be dead before I say anything interesting. Just a personal note, more a 'What a Shame'!
• OK, Japan is very monolingual. The onus is on me to learn Japanese, and that is fine. But talking to me at full pelt, without preparing some essential words for me to focus on, really "Won't get you anywhere!". I grew up half my childhood in a bilingual country, so maybe I get the language learning thing more than most. BUT don't complain that I'm not speaking Japanese already. Get real! Yes, WTF.
• Food is different here. It is delicious. Healthy to boot. British food sucks. Honestly, chuck it straight in the toilet before it destroys your bowel. A lot about Australian food is better, but the move towards the American way of eating, means it's best thrown in the bog (yes, toilet) along with the heart damaging, palate destroying UK food. BUT. I'm not Japanese. My neck size is about the size of a typical Japanese male's thigh. If I get only vegetables for two meals, I get hungry. Then I get grumpy. And I write WTF blog posts. Expect some serious adjustment with food if you're a meat eater and a big calorie consumer. You'll have to learn to eat a lot more in one sitting, else an hour or so later you'll be hungry and grumpy, and then heading for a local store to eat something sugary and probably quite unhealthy. Be warned!
• TV. I'm not a great fan of TV. It's a great way to learn nothing and dull the brain. I don't get much Japanese TV. Firstly I'm too Japanese poor to understand. BUT. If I see another Japanese guy express how tasty something is, I will buy a big gun and shoot the TV. Any TV that is within my vicinity. In fact, expressing surprise at any dull and stupid fact will always get me annoyed. Get an education please, TV people. Viewers, WTF is wrong with you. It's on because you watch it. Turn it off!
• Japan in general. Don't take 薬 (ku-su-ri / medicine) blindly just because the doctor gives it to you. This is an on-line country. WTF, check it out! The side effects might be making you worse than the ailment.
• I'd really love to see less Hive Mind and more argumentative thinking. The authorities are not always right. In fact nobody is always right. To err is human. No, I won't mention nuclear right now.
• Sometimes knives (and forks) make sense. Like when I want to cut the fat off the meat that is on my plate. Yes, Japanese live a long time. I'm not Japanese, I will die a lot sooner eating saturated animal fat. Better still, cook the god damned meat without the fat on. I might not have a coronary at your table.
• Stop f*cking smoking. This is not the '70's! Sir Richard Dole helped us out no end in connecting cancer with smoking. I do not wish to load up with another mouthful of healthy food if you light up next to me. I might just fart in response. I'd be more comfortable if you put on a tyre, a little petrol, and then lit up. WTF.
• Why the f*ck is everything covered in sugar? Like I know, seaweed is good for me and it makes my rice palatable. Why does it have to taste sweet? There's an even healthier way! But, its the '70's yet again. Don't tell me how Japanese have weaker teeth. Bathe them in sugar all day, and yes, you'll have bad teeth. Double WTF!
• OK I know that Japan is a Buddhist / Shinto country, and I'm an Atheist. But labels in clothes should be at the back. I'm too old to be caught with my pants back to front. Yes, "It is against god" I tell you. If I have to pee (and I will) and find that the aperture is yet again facing south, someone is going postal. WTF!                  

Did I say short post? I'm well and truly into the 'grumpy old man' years of my life, so there was no chance of that. Plus I liked saying WTF. It egged me on. I think I'll be back to add more later, so keep a link if you wish to snigger a little more. 

Signing out, month 3, Kunisaki, Japan.

Trips to 別府 (Beppu)

It's an hour's drive from Kunisaki to the heart of Beppu. We like going, especially on weekends, because it is so rewarding, and on a number of levels. Kunisaki is essentially a country town surrounded by wooded wilderness. Beppu, on the other hand, is a traditional holiday destination famous for its Onsen or Hot Springs. Not a big city in Japanese terms, but certainly big enough to have all those big city trappings. Maybe I'll make a list of what I find interesting.

• 温泉 (Onsen). And I really like ひょうたん (Hyotan) 
• Shopping! ゆめタウン (You Me town)
• Eateries galore, and even You Me town food court is jam packed with tasty food outlets.
• Now a University town! 立命館アジア太平洋大学 - Ritsumeikan Asia Pacific University or simply APU.
• The glitter of the main drag - if you have a car, then you have to drive the coastal route and the main stretch through Beppu - both in the day and at night.
• The African Safari
• Mount Takasaki (Monkeys!)

There's no doubt much more I should add. We went again this weekend, so I thought I'd share what I like about the place. Absolutely worth a visit!

From Kunisaki to the African plains!

I'm not quite sure what surprised me most about this little adventure. For my 4 year old, an adventure it was. From a peaceful Japanese valley, to deepest darkest Africa! OK, that really is an exaggeration. But once we were staring into the eyes of the big どうぶつ (Dōbutsu, animals), it was another world. And for a jaded old fart (like me), that's saying something.

One other surprise was that us parents could go along on our child's Kindergarten excursion - with all the other children, their parents and お先生 (o-sensei or teacher *)! I don't recall this being possible in Wales, Malta or Australia - my list of places where I was either a child, or parent.

I have already gained a great sense of the community spirit that is here in countryside Japan. You've maybe shared, somewhat vicariously, in some of the events we've covered to date. But this does seem just a little special. To see my son interact with everybody as they were having such fun, told me a lot about his school and the people his young impressionable mind will now be permanently connected with. For daddy it seems priceless indeed!

As an outsider, and a new arrival, I seem to pick up a lot on what is 'unique' about this part of the world. In this case, not just rural Japan, but maybe a microcosm of what is so quintessentially Japanese!

Allow me to elaborate. Well we had to be up early, and out of the door by a certain time. As I drove, my dear wife seemed very concerned about our progress. "We're going to be late!!". I speed up. Short interlude. "Why are you speeding?" I slow back down. When we arrive at the school, I do start to get it. Yes, just a little of how the Japanese think.

Anyway, two coaches were at the front of the kindie. Lots of cars were being carefully parked. Little bladders were being, just as carefully, emptied. Lot's of ございます (gozaimasu) ringing in the air. The おはよう (ohayo) seems to be almost inaudible or is dropped by some 'good morning' greeters. It all happens at a quick pace and then we're suddenly on the coach.

As we drove off, my wife looked at the watch and proudly pointed out how we were departing 2 minutes before the allocated time. Yes, that's what the rush was all about. This is Japan and everything, nay everyone, goes like the proverbial clockwork.
  
One hour later we were at the African plains. An African Safari to be exact. Their site seems to be all Japanese, so for your benefit, it's the

Kyushu Natural Zoological Park African Safari

Apparently one of the biggest in Japan, no less.  I quite like this pamphlet that one gets on arrival. Like the website, you'll be looking at the pictures, but it might just give you that 'we've arrived feeling', as you wonder where everything is and what to go see and do.  You really should come along too! Even the safari bus runs on time ;-)

What did we love most? Well feeding the animals of course. And doing so with us in the cage, not them. It makes a BIG difference to the experience. We did a safari just outside Banagalore some 3 years back now, and apparently the full cage was only added to the safari vehicle after someone was seriously mauled. India, now that's another story all together!

Here are some of my snaps, just to further whet your appetite. The first, inside the meat wagon - I'm sure we whetted the appetite of some of the big game animals! Look at that juicy 外人 (gaijin) after all.

And some of those beasties looked pretty damn hungry! I'm sure he's eyeing up my son, like I would an after dinner mint. (Oh I must mention that the outside of these safari buses are in the form of elephants, buffalo,...!!!)

And they came in all shapes and sizes.

I really can't tell you how many animals we saw and how brilliant it all was. It just was. 

After the tour, we wandered around for a few hours and saw even more. This is so much better than a zoo. I really don't like prisons for people, let alone for animals.

These little guys (ok, they were in a caged area) put their tiny little hands into yours as they came round for a feed!

If you have kids, then go there. If you're a big kid like me, ditto. Looking through all the snaps brings back that excitement all over again (I filled my SD card well before the end). My son also loved riding a miniature pony, feeding a tiny donkey, holding a guinea pig - the list goes on. 

Countryside Japan, and Kunisaki especially, leave me wondering why I didn't come sooner.

[*Ed. CORRECTION: 'O Sensei" may refer to a particular person, e.g Aikido founder, Morihei Ueshiba was called O-sensei. But this O isn't what you think.  It is supposed to be pronounced Oo (大) Sensei.  This may be used to differentiate from other normal Sensei.  Sometimes 大 can be added to refer the main teacher. Often, we would pronounce as Dai (big) Sensei, but for some reason, this man was called Oo-sensei. 

 

No matter what, there is no O-sensei as what you think.]